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At the same time, it made me feel bothsad and awkward. I knew now that I had in fact been Matt's buddy foryears and we had palled around the way guys do; the image of that mademe feel uncomfortable, even disgusted. And I had been having fun withZoe just a few days ago, thinking we were both alike, girls the sameage...she had not wanted to shock me with the truth, and it had indeedcome as a shock, but I missed the closeness I used to feel with her.I was embarrassed to have to go to a special class for English andHistory, since my verbal skills had deteriorated so badly. The good partwas that this meant I got to go see a cognitive specialist, Ms. Black,and she was really great. She did not push me, and spoke slowly andsoftly, and was never critical. She got me to worry less about the pastand future and focus more on the present, on what I was thinking andfeeling right now in this moment. Gradually I got more in touch with myself. Then she started asking "So you feel at peace right now,. Anna and I both hired on to the North Carolina Blue Cross Blue Shield plan; she was in accounting, I was in programming. Sam found a job just down the street from us, ironically in the Billing department for a hospital. This let us actually look for a place where we could be together.College had made us miss each other, but we'd stayed close enough that we didn't grow used to being apart. We did have the privacy to consider kids, something I know Jo Marie and Anna wanted. I was ambivalent about the idea. In theory I wanted them, but in practice the idea of being fat and bloated from the baby just didn't do a thing for me.In typical fashion we put off the decision to have kids just yet, but kept up practicing making them. You can't have too much practice in that realm. We were lucky because Anna tracked down a group that had parties like we'd had in college and high school. You can always find something to learn, and we did.It was a quiet suburban setting, a house set on some property.
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